im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
