he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
