I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
