He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Two words: nipple clamps
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