Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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