My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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