What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i drank out of a bidet.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
