your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
