Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize