Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
