It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she told me i tasted like america
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
