I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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