Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize