well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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