I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
