The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
