I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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