wrigley field is MILF paradise
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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