My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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