Im at strip club and am horny
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
