I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
