I need help removing her.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
