Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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