i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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