This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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