You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
