this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
should my penis look like a turkey
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize