Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
