He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
