Ambien. No doubt about it.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
