I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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