you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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