Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Found your dick twin last night
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
