Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
