why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
