i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
