I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
