Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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