My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
