just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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