Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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