Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
