walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
