So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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