i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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