It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
