youre lurking in front of me
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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