I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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