You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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