she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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