I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
