cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
