Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I met the friendliest cop last night
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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