it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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