tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i came on her dog
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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