my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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