Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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