You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So squirting runs in the family.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
