I want to make a zoo with you.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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