There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
