I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
