Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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