this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
