at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
