well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
