My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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