about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
