Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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