haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
BRING THE BAGELS
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
