I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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