Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
