The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
