so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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