But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
