how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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