I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
