Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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