if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
