my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Even my vagina gasped.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
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