Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
